Top 10 Tips for Birth Partners 

Contrary to popular belief, you can choose anyone to be your birth partner, regardless of how you know them. Relationships can be complex, and it’s okay to choose someone other than your romantic partner, or your baby’s other parent, to support you throughout birth. Many people do end up choosing their baby’s other parent, but you can also consider alternatives, such as:

• A friend or family member. A parent, sibling, or trusted friend could make an excellent birth partner. They’re likely to know you well and can be a familiar presence in the birth room.
• A doula. A doula is a non-medical companion whose job is to guide you through every stage of labour. Doulas can offer emotional support, help with comfort measures, and often have years of expertise.
• Multiple birth partners. If you’re giving birth at home, you can have as many birth partners as you like, including your children. In a hospital setting, usually, up to two birth partners are allowed.

My advice is to make a list of potential birth partners and carefully evaluate your options. It might be useful to ask yourself the following five questions as you decide:

1. Will this person encourage me during birth?
2. Will this person take the time to understand and communicate my birth preferences when the time comes?
3. Will this person help to point healthcare staff back towards my birth plan?
4. Will this person help me create a calm environment to give birth in?
5. Will this person assist me with any decision-making that might crop up?
6. Your birth partner should be the person you’re confident is best placed to do each of these things.

Labour is like running a marathon; each contraction is another mile. Would you run a marathon without supporters to feed you, keep you hydrated and cheer you on? I expect not! You need cheerleaders throughout labour who can boost your morale and help to sustain your stamina.

Birth partners are crucial when it comes to creating a conducive birth environment. They act as the “keepers of the cave”, protecting your birthing environment and supporting you through the process of labour. They can help you achieve the birth experience you’re hoping for by ensuring you feel prepared ahead of time, navigating any unexpected moments or decision-making with you, affirming your preferences and communicating them to healthcare staff, and boosting your natural hormones by offering emotional support. This, in turn, makes labour less painful and more manageable.

The role of your birth partner is to support you as best they can. To facilitate this, I recommend that they do a bit of homework ahead of time. It’s really helpful for them to learn about the physiology and biomechanics of birth, as well as the key hormones involved and their purposes. This will equip them with the knowledge they need to help you have the optimal birth experience.

Our award-winning Butterbean hypnobirthing course is an easy way of accessing all of this information. It’s designed for both you and your birth partner to learn about birth together. Centred on the power of the human body when it comes to giving birth, you’ll learn how to harness your natural ability to achieve the birth experience of your dreams. We’ll guide you through each stage of labour, helping you understand pain relief and medical interventions. You’ll also have access to hypnobirthing techniques that will transform the way you bring your baby into the world.

It’s a good idea for your birth partner to study your birth plan and get familiar with your wishes, as these will be individual to you. That way, they’ll be able to advocate for you effectively and steer things in the desired direction.

And when you’ve had your baby, your birth partner is key in helping you to rest and recover. They can assist you with your feeding journey, lend a hand in practical ways at home, and seek out further support from healthcare staff where necessary.

Your birth partner can be anyone who makes you feel totally safe and secure. Think of a person in your life who says the right things at the right time, someone who really understands you, and choose them to be your birth partner. They will be able to support you in your birth choices and work with you from pregnancy all the way through to the delivery room. In a nutshell, your birth partner can be anyone! It could be a friend, a neighbour, or a colleague; anyone you trust to be your companion throughout the birth of your baby.

Some parents decide that they want to hire a doula, which isn’t an accessible choice to everyone due to costs. A doula is a non-medical professional who can offer pastoral care during labour. They will act as your champion and help you navigate the system to ensure you don’t experience unnecessary medical interventions. If this is an option you’d like to consider, head to the Doula UK website for more information.

Here are our top 10 tips for birth partners:

1. Know the mother’s wishes and help to advocate for them. Taking the time to understand her birth plan can go a long way in helping her to have an empowered experience. This could mean that an epidural is totally off the cards, or it could mean that there should be no epidural until a certain point. It could mean that vaginal examinations are ruled out, or it could mean that soft music is played in the background. Preferences for pain management, monitoring methods, and other interventions should all be factored in.
2. Help create an optimal environment for labour and birth. Dim the lights, keep noise to a minimum, read affirmations, keep the mother fed and hydrated. These actions may seem simple, but they will ultimately enable her to have a more comfortable and potentially faster labour.
3. Ask questions. If you need more information to help the mother make decisions, ask away! This is vital; if the mother is in labour then she can’t be expected to do the communicating as well.
4. Understand the physiology behind labour and birth. Do your research ahead of time so you can be fully aware of what is happening. This will enable you to make a real difference at every stage of labour. The support you give needs to adjust and change as labour progresses, so take the time to understand the details.
5. Keep her fed and hydrated. Make sure the mother has enough to eat and drink so she can keep her strength up. Think marathon snacks: high energy, protein-rich food in small quantities, frequently. Offer her snacks every 30 minutes or so, but don’t force the food. Take her lead, and encourage her to drink water often. From my own experience, a metal straw helps a lot with this.
6. Remind her to use the toilet frequently! An empty bladder will mean there is more space in the mother’s pelvis for her baby to pass through.
7. Get her comfy. Make sure she stays upright and mobile where possible, and if she wants to be. This will enable flexibility in her pelvis and will help the baby to pass down and out through the birth canal.
8. Prepare the hospital bag. If you’re involved with packing the hospital bag, you’ll know where things are when they’re needed. This means you can grab things quickly rather than rummaging around trying to find them in the moment. The most annoying thing would be the mother having to explain where things are located in the bag when she’s trying to focus on giving birth!
9. Take photos! Make sure to snap away and capture plenty of videos so you can have memories of the birth to treasure forever. This will mean so much to the mother afterwards.
10. Take charge! Be responsible for the logistics and practical stuff that the mother really doesn’t need to be worrying about ahead of time. Anything admin-related that you can take off her plate, do! This might include sorting out childcare for any other children, paying for the car parking, and learning the route to the hospital.

As a birth partner, you may be wondering if you’re capable of having a significant impact on a birth experience. You might think that your presence can’t be that effective in the grand scheme of things, but take it from me: this couldn’t be less true! The role you play is utterly crucial. Love and support can go a long way in helping someone to give birth. In fact, it can be the difference between a positive birth experience and a traumatic one.

Remember that you aren’t a passive participant, but an active player in an extraordinary event. Midwives are there to assist you, not the other way around! Working together with healthcare staff, you’ll form a team dedicated to the mother’s comfort and wellbeing. Your confidence, calmness, and encouragement will be essential to helping her through each contraction until she meets her baby.

Every supportive gesture, no matter how small it may seem, contributes to the overall experience. You’ve got this!